Grotesque
by FenMoon
Summary: Sometimes, for a relationship to work, you just have to lay your scars bare, no matter how hideous they are. Less dramatic than it sounds. AU LaviAllen oneshot


**A/N: This is a couple of different firsts for me. It's the first story that I've written outside for this series. I thought that it was a good time to broaden my horizons a little, and write using a different set of characters for a change, and I've recently fallen for the Lavi/Allen pairing **_**very**_** hard, so I figured "why not?" It's also my first AU story, which is kind of nice too. I just hope that I've done the D.Gray-man series some justice with this, and that Allen and Lavi aren't **_**too**_** out of character.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own D.Gray-man, or any of its characters. This story contains yaoi, and is rated T for coming very close to the point of no return (you know what I mean), but not quite reaching it.**

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There are certain things that you're supposed to feel when you're making out with someone. Guilt isn't one of them. 

And yet, there he was. Allen Walker, junior in high school, was currently on a couch with his boyfriend, and he felt guilty. He didn't know why, either. All he knew was that he shouldn't feel like that. He should feel warm and only be somewhat lucid as he felt Lavi's tongue probe the inside of his mouth. Instead, though, he felt guilty.

In attempt to rid himself of this guilt so that he could properly enjoy the lip-lock, Allen let his mind wander to find exactly why he felt guilty. The first thought that came to him was the most obvious one: perhaps he didn't care about Lavi. Allen dismissed that idea as soon as it appeared. Lavi Bookman was possibly the best thing to happen to Allen. The redhead was funny, outgoing, and surprisingly intelligent given his usual jovial demeanor. He wasn't hard on the eyes, either.

If anything, Allen was worried that Lavi would one day get bored with him, a reasonable assumption considering that the redhead's greatest flaw was his constant flirting with women. Lavi had assured him several times, however, that it was just for fun, and that he was smitten with the "beansprout." Allen often wondered why that was. Sure, he worked out a good amount, and he supposed that his snow-white hair could be found attractive, but sometimes he worried that the scar that ran down the left side of is face scared others away, and that his usual optimism, kindness and good manners were more of a turn off than a turn on. Lavi had constantly claimed otherwise, however, and Allen trusted him.

So, if that wasn't the problem, then what was? Was it because he was making out with a guy? No, that wasn't it. While Allen was a devout Christian, he didn't believe that being gay was wrong in any way. The bible, after all, also stated that women were inferior to men and that keeping slaves was an acceptable practice. The church's ideas just needed to evolve with the times, and its view on homosexuality simply hadn't taken its turn, yet. Lavi, of course, didn't care what the church thought, seeing how he was an atheist. It wasn't that he didn't believe in a higher power, he just needed some definite proof that a specific higher power that a religion praised actually existed before he'd follow it.

If they weren't letting God down, then maybe they were letting their families down? No, that was ridiculous. Allen's guardian, Marian Cross, was also a Christian, but not nearly as pious as he should have been. Considering the older man's less…_moral_…habits, he had hardly any place judging his adoptive son's love life, and had accepted Lavi. Lavi's only family was his grandfather, and while the old panda had made it perfectly clear that he thought Lavi should be focusing on his studies, and not dating, Lavi had also made it perfectly clear that he didn't give a damn and would see Allen anyways. Eventually, the old man had relented, and gave them his blessing.

So, the problem wasn't faith or family. Maybe he had feelings for someone else as well? He did use to have a crush on Linali Lee. The girl had been the first person to befriend him after Allen lost his father, and the two had been close ever since. Linali had been more of a sister than anything, though, and the crush didn't last more than a year. There wasn't anyone that he was interested in at his high school with the exception of Lavi. Most of his friends were good but somewhat odd people, and Allen had never considered them as anything more than friends. Lavi was the same, flirting habits not withstanding. There _was_ a senior who had expressed an interest in both Allen and Lavi. Personally, though, Allen found Tyki Mikk somewhat creepy, and Lavi agreed.

Allen was pulled out of his thoughts as Lavi slid a hand under his buttoned shirt. Apparently, the redhead had noticed that he didn't have Allen's undivided attention. The white haired boy moaned into his boyfriend's mouth as he felt the hand rub over his stomach. He moved his own arms around Lavi's waist, pulling him closer so that he could get better access. Allen considered pulling up Lavi's black t-shirt so that he could-

Oh, _that's_ why he felt guilty. It was his arm.

It didn't matter how much Allen worked out, or how toned his body became; he could never call his body perfect. When his father had died in that fire, ten-year-old Allen had been left with two reminders. One was the scar on his face. The other was his left arm. While there had been no nerve damage, and it functioned just fine, the skin up to his shoulder blade had been saturated in burns. The burns had never healed, and now his arm looked more like a demonic claw than a human hand. It was also his greatest insecurity, and he had always kept it covered by sleeves and gloves, never showing it to anyone besides Cross. Not even Lavi.

Lavi had never pressed the matter, as he had a similar wound. As long as anyone had known Lavi (with the exception of his grandfather), he had always worn an eye patch over his right eye. The redhead had lost his eye when he was younger, and no one had seen him without the black patch ever since, Allen included, for the same reason why Allen wouldn't show anyone his arm.

However, the two boys had been going out for more than a few months now, and were ready to be more, well, _intimate_. That, however, meant actually taking clothes off. Allen would have to take off his shirt, and Lavi his eye patch.

And the thought of that scared the hell out of them.

That's why Allen felt so guilty. Lavi shouldn't have to slide his hand under the shorter boy's shirt. He should be allowed to take off the shirt, just as Allen could take off Lavi's. But because of that arm, Allen wouldn't let him. Allen was afraid of how Lavi would react. Sure, Lavi loved him for _him_, but Allen knew that physical attraction was important, too. Allen was afraid that his grotesque arm would scare the redhead away.

Said redhead noticed that the boy under him had once again stopped paying attention, so he pulled away from his face. "Hey, beansprout, what's wrong? You're kinda out of it tonight." Lavi had got up off of him, and was now sitting on his knees on the couch.

Allen didn't move from his reclining position, and just stared blankly for a minute, lost in his thoughts. Up to this point in their relationship, the two of them had been satisfied with keeping their clothes on to protect their insecurities. Now, though, it was finally catching up to Allen. The white haired boy knew that he had a habit of obsessing over problems, so if he was feeling guilty now, he'd probably be feeling guilty every time that they were together. And that would probably ruin what they had.

"Hey, Allen!" Lavi's voice brought him out of his thoughts again, and Allen looked at the redhead. Lavi's face was a mixture of annoyance for being ignored when he _really_ shouldn't be, and concern for his lover's odd behavior.

Allen closed his pale blue eyes for a second, than abruptly sat up. There really was only one solution to this problem. While it would hurt if Lavi left him because Allen had shown him his arm, it would be a lot worse if he left because he _hadn't_ shown it. So, Allen began to unbutton his shirt. Lavi, realizing what he was doing, began to make a move to stop him, but was halted by a pleading glance from Allen, his pale eyes begging him to let him do this. Lavi relented, and sat back as Allen unfastened the last button, and removed his glove as the shirt fell from his shoulders.

One would never have guessed what the naked arm looked like by watching it when it was covered. The skin (assuming it actually _was_ skin) had turned entirely deep red in color. The surface of it was rough and uneven, and a few of what looked like veins ran along the entire length of the arm. The hand at the end was larger and bulkier than its counterpart on the right arm, with small black nails at the end of each finger.

Lavi just stared in awe at the arm, his jaw hanging open and his emerald eye wide. Allen blushed out of embarrassment as he watched Lavi just sit there, shocked. He had to keep reminding himself that showing the arm was for the best. It had to be done sooner or later, so it might as well been sooner. The redhead slowly, tentatively poked the arm, than touched it a little longer, getting a better feel of it.

Eventually, Lavi found his voice and quietly asked, "Does…Does it hurt?"

Allen just smiled softly and shook his head. "No. The damage was only cosmetic. It works fine, it just looks bad."

Lavi nodded slowly, and seemed to be thinking. After a few seconds, he let out a sigh of what sounded like resignation. Allen watched him, confused, as the redhead kept his visible eye closed and removed his trademark green bandanna, letting his hair fall onto his shoulders. Allen then held his breath as Lavi slowly began to untie the eye patch. When he finally remover the black cloth, he reopened his working left eye and looked straight at the shorter male, letting him see his full face.

Allen took in every detail he could see about the injured eye. Where another emerald pupil should have been, the eyelid was permanently closed and sagged a little, since the small orb that it used to hold was no longer there. The skin on and around the eyelid had become discolored from the lack of blood that no longer traveled to that spot. A small scar ran from the top to the bottom of where the eye patch used to cover until now. Now, the lovers' roles were reversed, with Allen staring and Lavi blushing in embarrassment.

Allen was ambidextrous, and Lavi was sitting on his right, so when he finally made his move, he was acting out of bodily instinct and didn't realize how symbolic his action was. After what felt like an eternity of silence, however, he moved his closer, ghastly left arm up to Lavi's face and cupped his right cheek, rubbing his blood red thumb just under the injured socket. He only realized the gravity of what he was doing as Lavi's face lit up in surprise. He was about to pull the hand away when Lavi put his own hand over it, keeping it in place as he rubbed his cheek against it like a cat.

This surprised Allen, but he was more surprised as Lavi pulled the arm away, only to turn it over and give it a small peck on the back of the hand. Then he gave another on the wrist, and began to leave a small trail of kisses up his arm. Allen's increasing surprise turned to ecstasy when the redhead reached his collarbone, and he moaned in pleasant familiarity.

Lavi began to gently push him back down onto the couch, as he slowly moved his mouth along his boyfriend's neck, over the jaw line, and finally settled them over his lips. Allen opened his mouth and was all to eager to let him in. As they kissed, Allen slipped his hands-both hands-under Lavi's shirt and began pulling it over his head. The redhead raised his body up off of the shorter boy to make the task easier. When the shirt was finally removed and discarded, Lavi looked down at Allen with his usual, cat-like mischievous expression, which, from Allen's point of view, was only enhanced by the scarred eye.

"Well, now that we've gotten _that_ out of the way," Lavi cooed in a playful tone as he swirled a finger around one of Allen's now exposed nipples, "I've got a whole, very, _very_ hot body to explore, so if you don't mind?"

Allen gave him a not-so-innocent smirk as he responded, "By all means." And so, the two continued where they left off, only now with twice the passion and pleasantly guilt-free.

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**Sorry, but that's as far as it's going to go. I'm not an 'M' rating writer, so you'll just have to use your imagination as to what happens next, though that can be fun, too. Anyways, please review so that I know what I'm doing right or wrong. I might use this setting again, with sort of leading up to how they started dating, but I'm not making any promises. Until next time!**


End file.
